Aircraft related quips.

Jokes, merriment, odd/interesting facts etc.
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scotty
Posts: 460
Joined: 12 Nov 2019 14:28

Aircraft related quips.

Post by scotty » 18 Jan 2020 20:11

The big propeller thing on the front of small aircraft is not just to keep the pilots cool but see how quickly they break into a sweat when it stops.

Following touchdown, should full throttle be required to get to the terminal, the pilot forgot to lower the undercarriage.

When an F4 Phantom pilot was asked what the flight path of his aircraft was like if he lost both engines, he replied “Four feet forward and all the way to the ground.”

When in the air, you will never run out of space above, below is a different matter.
Last edited by scotty on 20 Jan 2020 09:43, edited 1 time in total.

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Mike Hodgson
Posts: 938
Joined: 10 Nov 2019 12:36
Location: North Dorset

Re: Aircraft related quips.

Post by Mike Hodgson » 19 Jan 2020 13:28

Some maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the
maintenance crews.
Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."
Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode."
Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

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Dave the rave
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Joined: 09 Nov 2019 20:19
Location: Coventry

Re: Aircraft related quips.

Post by Dave the rave » 19 Jan 2020 13:34

We're psychic Mike. I was putting up the very same as you at the same time. Deleted mine.
If in doubt....kick the Ruskies OUT ❗

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Mike Hodgson
Posts: 938
Joined: 10 Nov 2019 12:36
Location: North Dorset

Re: Aircraft related quips.

Post by Mike Hodgson » 19 Jan 2020 14:16

Great minds think alike or is it Fools seldom differ ?

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Dave the rave
Posts: 1310
Joined: 09 Nov 2019 20:19
Location: Coventry

Re: Aircraft related quips.

Post by Dave the rave » 19 Jan 2020 14:37

:mrgreen:
If in doubt....kick the Ruskies OUT ❗

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Mike Hodgson
Posts: 938
Joined: 10 Nov 2019 12:36
Location: North Dorset

Re: Aircraft related quips.

Post by Mike Hodgson » 19 Jan 2020 17:09

I've listened to this many times, still makes me laugh.-------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KbUNzi58wM

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