UK Lemonade Virus Alert

Jokes, merriment, odd/interesting facts etc.
Post Reply
User avatar
Dave the rave
Posts: 1310
Joined: 09 Nov 2019 20:19
Location: Coventry

UK Lemonade Virus Alert

Post by Dave the rave » 07 Mar 2020 18:45

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
If in doubt....kick the Ruskies OUT ❗

Keith Bennett
Posts: 1474
Joined: 09 Nov 2019 21:40

Re: UK Lemonade Virus Alert

Post by Keith Bennett » 07 Mar 2020 18:48

A very insightful joke on national traits - well done for finding it, Dave!

User avatar
Dave the rave
Posts: 1310
Joined: 09 Nov 2019 20:19
Location: Coventry

Re: UK Lemonade Virus Alert

Post by Dave the rave » 07 Mar 2020 18:51

Ye olde Book of Face as one might have surmised..... :mrgreen:
If in doubt....kick the Ruskies OUT ❗

User avatar
Stoney13
Posts: 507
Joined: 09 Nov 2019 21:51
Location: Somerset

Re: UK Lemonade Virus Alert

Post by Stoney13 » 07 Mar 2020 22:40

i think that you may have to ask peter and bob about the Australian way, at the moment i think its move the barbie to the porch :D :D
if it has wheels RACE IT, break it,fix it, RACE IT :twisted:

Post Reply