Aircraft related quips.

[scotty]

The big propeller thing on the front of small aircraft is not just to keep the pilots cool but see how quickly they break into a sweat when it stops.

Following touchdown, should full throttle be required to get to the terminal, the pilot forgot to lower the undercarriage.

When an F4 Phantom pilot was asked what the flight path of his aircraft was like if he lost both engines, he replied “Four feet forward and all the way to the ground.”

When in the air, you will never run out of space above, below is a different matter.

[Mike Hodgson]

Some maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the
maintenance crews.
Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."
Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode."
Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

[Dave the rave]

We're psychic Mike. I was putting up the very same as you at the same time. Deleted mine.

[Mike Hodgson]

Great minds think alike or is it Fools seldom differ ?

[Dave the rave]

[Mike Hodgson]

I've listened to this many times, still makes me laugh.-------

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KbUNzi58wM